Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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