Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize