Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
