So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So here I am, sexting at work.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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