Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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