it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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