just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
