Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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