Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
