The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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