His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
