youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
