Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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