The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
