So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
