Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't EVER smell your tampon
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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