i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
