mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
