I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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