Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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