Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
