I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
