My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
