I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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