Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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