I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
