i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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