Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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