Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
