i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we're so committed to being not committed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
