That's intense
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
