i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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