i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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