we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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