could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
