if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
