We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love you. Go after that dick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
