he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
