Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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