My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize