I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
