i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
