she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He felt like a one man threesome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
