Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
