We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
