My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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