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Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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