I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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