Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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