Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
