My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
