are you still at the devil's house?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my being single is dangerous.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
