when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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