why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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