I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
