she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
