I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
