I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
