i need an iv and a liver transplant
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
