Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
