I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
