she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
