OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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