I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
