She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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