You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
