There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
