If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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