I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
