Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
