Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
