I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
