Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
