So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
